In my last post I was 7 months pregnant with Bryant and now he has joined the world and is 3 weeks old. I thought I would post one of my personal stories. Several friends had asked me the question of "are you nervous?" "are you excited"?-all in reference to Bryant's soon arrival. My honest answer was no I'm not nervous (as in something may go wrong) and I'm not going to be fully excited until he is here and everyone is healthy. And those are my answers because I used to be one of those pregnant women who figured everything would turn out fine but after Christian was born I joined the "things can go wrong-even at the end of pregnancy" club. I"m a realist. So I couldn't get fully excited until I knew Bryant was o.k. Otherwise I did not spend 9 months worrying about it. I knew that no matter what God was in control of the outcome. Plus we already know what to do with a child with special needs!
Christian's Delivery
So I will let you in on what the delivery of Christian was like. I hope that you do not see this as a sad thing but just the experience of 2 different deliveries and where I'm coming from with this post. The morning he was born we went to the hospital because he was not moving and I just knew something was "off". Once we got to labor and delivery they discovered that I had preeclampsia (to fix this you deliver the baby)(complications to me could be siezure and stroke) and Christian was in distress. When laying there I thought please just let there be a heartbeat. When I heard his heart beating on the monitor it was a huge relief and I thought ok he's alive and everything will be fine. The nurses said he would be born today by inducing or csection. Five minute later they came in and said your having a csection right now! I still thought things were going to be ok. They took me to the O.R. and everyone was rushing around. Laying on the operating table I was thinking man this table is so narrow! Why I was thinking that I do not know:) When they pulled Christian out he was blue and never cried. I waited for that cry as the next signal that he was ok and it never came. I still thought maybe he just isn't a cryer. Several years later I realized that I felt like I was robbed of that monumental first cry. I guess it was easier to keep giving him chances in my mind for him to be ok. There was no emotions , no joyful tears. I mostly was just waiting-waiting for a cry, waiting to see him, waiting for the nurses to say things like ohhh he's cute or just anything normal. I finally saw him and kissed him before they took him away. We would later discover the medical problems that Christian had and the fact that if we would have waited he may not have made it. The days to follow were not filled with flowers, guests, celebrations, or joy. I couldn't have visitors due to my condition and Christian was in the nicu. I mean you can't expect freinds and family to come see you and be all happy and saying the typical happy phrases that are said at the new arrival of a baby. We were thrown in to a medical world of machines, medicine, tests, and diagnosis. Don't get me wrong Eric and I were extremely in love with our little boy and happy to have him in the world-it just wasn't the beginning we pictured.
Bryant's Delivery
In complete contrast, we had a scheduled day and time that Bryant would arrive. We packed our bags, showed up on time, and followed typical procedures. It's only now after Bryant's birth that I see how different Christian's delivery was. Even the order they get you ready for the csection was different, of course because it wasn't an emergency surgery. I'm sure the nurses wondered why we were not extremely excited before delivery. I would say we were both just quiet because we were waiting for Bryant to arrive and finally know that he was healthy. This time I went to the O.R and knew the nurses in there and saw my doctor ahead of time and even sat on the operating table and waited for the spinal block. I watched them prepare the equipment. It was so much more relaxed in the O.R. than the first time. I noticed how white the room was and big, very big. There were definitly less people in the room than before. It was time--Bryant was ready to come out and the doctor says "he's got black hair"! I smiled and couldn't believe it. The fact that she commented on something so simple was so precious because that's what was supposed to happen. Phrases/comments about your baby! We didn't experience that with Christian. And then the moment came when Bryant started crying!!! This was the moment I never had before. It was the sound of life, sound of "he's ok", sound of joy! It was a first for us. We were able to watch them weigh and clean him and Eric was able to hold him and he wasn't rushed away for anything. He came to recovery with us and it was just wonderful and amazing. There was emotion and relief! I could be fully excited!! This time the next 4 days were filled with guests, flowers, well wishes and normalcy. At one point Eric and I commented that this was so easy! We thank God for Bryant's health and safe delivery!
I thank God for the outcome of my 2 different deliveries----2 amazing, unique, loved little boys! The miracle of life comes in many different packages!
